50 Random Useful facts about Pandora
by Maiko2853
Summary: Just something funny. I take no claim of originality on these facts. Please read and Review.


Rated Mature for crude jokes and to be safe.

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. James Cameron does.

* * *

_**50 Random Useful Facts about Pandora**_

1. Never tell a Na'vi you've bedded that she's the best unless you mean it. Remember, they CAN find out.

2. THE CAKE IS A LIE! DO NOT LISTEN TO THE SKY PEOPLE!

3. Make sure that Trudy has given you permission before you show her your "money shot." She can return fire.

4. Make sure Neytiri knows what you're talking about when you say you're going to show off your "short sword."

5. Never ask Wainfleet if he can smell the bacon.

6. Never accuse Quaritch of having glazed eyes because he was eating donuts.

7. Never yell "HELLO NURSE!" to a hungover Grace Augustine. She may give you an unpleasant physical exam.

8. Just because a Na'vi has a Thanator, it doesn't mean she can kill Quaritch.

9. Just because a Na'vi can kill Quaritch, it doesn't mean she has a Thanator.

10. Being on Pandora does not automatically mean you can take on Quaritch.

11. When you come out of cryo-sleep, try not to throw up.

12. When on Pandora, don't piss off Quaritch. He'll whimper before he ...ACK! *You will ignore the last part*

13. When on Pandora, do as the Na'vi do ...or else.

14. Never refer to the Na'vi as "Blue Monkeys."

15. When talking to Neytiri, make sure she understands what you mean when you say "I want to you to be my swords sheath."

16. When talking to Quaritch, don't say "Nice shootin' Tex" if he missed. He won't next time.

17. Taunting the Sky People is not encouraged.

18. Never tell a Na'vi they need a haircut. They'll cut yours off, plus extra.

19. The Na'vi are not all out to get you. Just the one you pissed off.

20. You use the terms, "Three Hours", "Little Buddy", and "Bunch of Coconuts" around Miles Quaritch at your own Peril.

21. I fought nature and nature won. Trust me, Eywa fights dirty.

22. Jake Sully is not a valid argument for being an overpowered bastard.

23. Never let Tsu'tey take you to do something "fun." Unless you like running for your life most of the evening.

24. If a Na'vi gives her name as Moat and tells you she wants to "eat you up..." run like hell. She ain't speakin' metaphorically.

25. When the Jehovah's Witnesses come knocking at your door, keep the lights out and pretend you aren't there. Praise Eywa!

26. Using Neytiri as bait IS a valid way of luring Jake Sully. The trick is to lure Neytiri.

27. When Parker Selfridge comes to your door, run.

28. Do not anger the Thanators, for you a crunchy and taste good with Ketchup.

29. Thanators are not thanators!

30. No, this is NOT Sparta! Stop screaming it already Norm! (Freakin' newb Avatar Drivers...)

31. Do not take up an offer to train with Neytiri unless you have three months or so of your life you won't mind losing.

32. Cheese Whiz is NOT a valid way to placate an angered Sky Person. Trust us.

33. The RDA miners theme song is not "We Will Rock You." It's "I Love Rock and Roll."

34. If a single Na'vi warrior takes out eight armed Sky People with a bow and his fists...he's got real fighters skill...no arguing otherwise.

35. Just because the Na'vi look like cats, it does not make them a pussy.

36. There cannot be only one person who can ride a Great Leonopteryx.

37. Jake Sully. 'Nuff said.

38. Avatar Drivers are a precious resource. Don't squander them.

39. Training an Avatar Driver is an exercise in patience that will impress most Na'vi. You'll just never want to do it again.

40. If a Sky Person says he wants to release divine justice on you, please report him to the RDA so that he can be arrested for stealing.

41. If you can somehow make Neytiri not think of her hatred towards the Sky People, then congrats, you somehow made her more angry at you dumbass!

42. You exist until Eywa says you don't.

43. Standing under a high tree during a lightning storm is dangerous. You can get killed by falling Banshees.

44. Parker may have been in charge, but Quaritch was running the show.

45. Don't piss off Eywa!

46. When a huge battle between the Na'vi and the RDA breaks out, walk up to them and ask them what their fighting about. And then laugh your ass off as they try to remember.

47. No matter how good of an idea it seems at the time, I will not offer to "seal the bond" with the beautiful drunken Neytiri.

48. RDA miners and Na'vi don't mix.

49. At the beginning, Norm Spellmon was a nerd. At the end, he was still a nerd. But now he's ten feet tall and has a machine gun.

50. The answer is the question itself, therefore by understanding the question, you understand the answer to the question.

* * *

So, please review and tell me what think. Funny, a little over the top, or do you just plain not like it and find it offensive.


End file.
